Tuesday, 31 January 2012
Isn't it funny? Um, no not really...
I have just been packing some more for our move & suddenly a thought hit me. It came as an unpleasant realization, but it really doesn't surprise me at all.
We have known that we are moving for about 4 weeks... And my mother, who lives next door, has not offered to help me pack or offered to look after M once... Kind, huh? In fact, it's been P's brother and sister in law that have looked after M numerous times and I am so so grateful to them for that.
She also has not once offered to help us with the actual move. I pretty much had to demand that she do it, and she was none to happy.
For someone who was so involved in my life and who once had such a close bond with my son, she certainly has gone out of her way to fuck it up.
Congratulations, mother.
Monday, 30 January 2012
Family & friends?
Hi, my name is Rhi and I have borderline personality disorder.
I'm 22, a wife and a mother.
I am starting this blog on the advice of my psychologist who suggested I begin putting my life "on paper" so to speak. And what a time to begin.
I should start by introducing my family.
There is my brother, C, 31. After a really long time, he is finally back in my life, which I am glad for. He can be obnoxious, selfish and a complete shit stirrer, but so can I.
There is my sister, A, 29. She lives 4 hours away with her partner and my niece and nephew. We are, I think, the closest of all of us.
There is my other sister, B, 18. To be quite honest she could die in a hole right now and I'd have no feelings about it whatsoever. In fact, I think she deserves just that.
There is my mum, who until recently was my support, but now she has more important things in her life.
My husband, P, 29, who struggles with my mental health almost as much as I do.
And finally, my son, M, 18mths, who is my world. We have an incredible bond and he is the glue that is holding me together right now.
Like I said above, my mum and I were very close and she was my constant support, my best friend even. Until she got a new boyfriend. She went from being there for me 24/7, from being interested in my son M, and seeing us everyday, to being incapable of holding a conversation with me because she's too distracted texting. Her boyfriend is the most important person in the world and this has created a huge rift between us, and when the relationship fails, I won't be there. She has always said her kids come first, but she's a liar. I feel so much anger towards her and she knows this, yet does nothing to try and make it better. Understand that I am severely mentally I'll, and so when e main support person in my life decides she wants to do something else, it's like mourning a death. Unfortunately I don't see the relationship ever getting better, because she has shown me where her loyalty lies (in a number of ways, see later in this post), and it's certainly not with me.
My sister B is a pathological liar. From the age of 14, she was posting stories on this Internet claiming that her mother and brother were dead, she had been brutally raped, she was pregnant and had a miscarriage, she was injecting drugs etc. Really nasty stuff. She was approaching men on dating sites offering sex, sending nude pictures to strangers at 14 yeas old, and recently I discovered that she had accepted money for sex. She also invents family members and makes up ridiculous stories that don't even mean anything. Eg, how her pushbike was stolen when in actual fact she doesn't even know how to ride a pushbike. She is lazy, selfish, manipulative and an all round ugly person. Inside and out.
My whole world came crashing down around me yesterday, and through this I have discovered who I can rely on. I was served yesterday with an intervention order - from my sister, B. She did this because of a fight that happened before Christmas over money. I won't get into details, but the fact is, she attacked me and I defended myself against her, and she sustained a bruise in the process, which she then presented to the police and agreed to getting an intervention order against me.
Note that I don't know what kind of impact this could have on my life as I am hoping to get into an occupation that requires a police check etc.
When presented with this information, all my mother could say was "oh"... I expected more of a reaction than that, perhaps some anger that her youngest daughter had finally taken things too far. But no, just "oh". And then when I pointed out that one of us would have to be excluded from family events due to the fact that I'm not allowed within 5 metres of her -- I just got a blank stare. Seriously? After all this bitch has done, you're still not going to have my back? After she told people you were dead, after she prostituted herself out, you're still going to make excuses for her? "oh she didn't know what she was doing, you know what she's like". Seriously? I know what she's like, but obviously you don't. She knew exactly what she was doing and what implications it would have. So now, guess what, family, it's me or the dog.
Yesterday, I did post about the intervention order on Facebook hoping for some support from my friends. I received some great advice from a few which I am so thankful for, but all I really wanted was for someone I care about to say "are you ok?". It's really interesting, because one person did just that... And it wasn't any of the people that I'd consider my best friends... In fact, it was someone that I haven't really had contact with in over 6 months. This made me so so sad. I try to do anything I possibly can for anyone, I always try to be there for my friends that are having a tough time... And what do I get in return? Nothing.... Absolutely nothing. It's unfortunate, because now, those people have pretty much lost me...
Loyalty, as you can probably tell, is the most important thing to me. And I am fiercely loyal until I am treated like crap... And to me, not showing care and support for a friend having a rough time, is treating them like crap. And I have absolutely no problem in dropping those people and not looking back. Friend or family, I don't care. If I have been there for you, I expect the same in return, and if you fail to do that, fuck you and have a nice life.
I'll end it on that note.
I'm 22, a wife and a mother.
I am starting this blog on the advice of my psychologist who suggested I begin putting my life "on paper" so to speak. And what a time to begin.
I should start by introducing my family.
There is my brother, C, 31. After a really long time, he is finally back in my life, which I am glad for. He can be obnoxious, selfish and a complete shit stirrer, but so can I.
There is my sister, A, 29. She lives 4 hours away with her partner and my niece and nephew. We are, I think, the closest of all of us.
There is my other sister, B, 18. To be quite honest she could die in a hole right now and I'd have no feelings about it whatsoever. In fact, I think she deserves just that.
There is my mum, who until recently was my support, but now she has more important things in her life.
My husband, P, 29, who struggles with my mental health almost as much as I do.
And finally, my son, M, 18mths, who is my world. We have an incredible bond and he is the glue that is holding me together right now.
Like I said above, my mum and I were very close and she was my constant support, my best friend even. Until she got a new boyfriend. She went from being there for me 24/7, from being interested in my son M, and seeing us everyday, to being incapable of holding a conversation with me because she's too distracted texting. Her boyfriend is the most important person in the world and this has created a huge rift between us, and when the relationship fails, I won't be there. She has always said her kids come first, but she's a liar. I feel so much anger towards her and she knows this, yet does nothing to try and make it better. Understand that I am severely mentally I'll, and so when e main support person in my life decides she wants to do something else, it's like mourning a death. Unfortunately I don't see the relationship ever getting better, because she has shown me where her loyalty lies (in a number of ways, see later in this post), and it's certainly not with me.
My sister B is a pathological liar. From the age of 14, she was posting stories on this Internet claiming that her mother and brother were dead, she had been brutally raped, she was pregnant and had a miscarriage, she was injecting drugs etc. Really nasty stuff. She was approaching men on dating sites offering sex, sending nude pictures to strangers at 14 yeas old, and recently I discovered that she had accepted money for sex. She also invents family members and makes up ridiculous stories that don't even mean anything. Eg, how her pushbike was stolen when in actual fact she doesn't even know how to ride a pushbike. She is lazy, selfish, manipulative and an all round ugly person. Inside and out.
My whole world came crashing down around me yesterday, and through this I have discovered who I can rely on. I was served yesterday with an intervention order - from my sister, B. She did this because of a fight that happened before Christmas over money. I won't get into details, but the fact is, she attacked me and I defended myself against her, and she sustained a bruise in the process, which she then presented to the police and agreed to getting an intervention order against me.
Note that I don't know what kind of impact this could have on my life as I am hoping to get into an occupation that requires a police check etc.
When presented with this information, all my mother could say was "oh"... I expected more of a reaction than that, perhaps some anger that her youngest daughter had finally taken things too far. But no, just "oh". And then when I pointed out that one of us would have to be excluded from family events due to the fact that I'm not allowed within 5 metres of her -- I just got a blank stare. Seriously? After all this bitch has done, you're still not going to have my back? After she told people you were dead, after she prostituted herself out, you're still going to make excuses for her? "oh she didn't know what she was doing, you know what she's like". Seriously? I know what she's like, but obviously you don't. She knew exactly what she was doing and what implications it would have. So now, guess what, family, it's me or the dog.
Yesterday, I did post about the intervention order on Facebook hoping for some support from my friends. I received some great advice from a few which I am so thankful for, but all I really wanted was for someone I care about to say "are you ok?". It's really interesting, because one person did just that... And it wasn't any of the people that I'd consider my best friends... In fact, it was someone that I haven't really had contact with in over 6 months. This made me so so sad. I try to do anything I possibly can for anyone, I always try to be there for my friends that are having a tough time... And what do I get in return? Nothing.... Absolutely nothing. It's unfortunate, because now, those people have pretty much lost me...
Loyalty, as you can probably tell, is the most important thing to me. And I am fiercely loyal until I am treated like crap... And to me, not showing care and support for a friend having a rough time, is treating them like crap. And I have absolutely no problem in dropping those people and not looking back. Friend or family, I don't care. If I have been there for you, I expect the same in return, and if you fail to do that, fuck you and have a nice life.
I'll end it on that note.
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